Questions ~Answers~ Reasons

We normally say that everything in life that happens for a reason !
The reason not always known, many a times events leave us with questions a lot of question , sometimes we have answers sometimes we don't. When something very good happens we normally don't care about what must have happened or the reason behind the same but when time is not right and things don't go the way we wanted them to be , or the outcome of a situation is no where near to what we thought of it to be like we panic, we look here and there desperately for reasons. But the biggest irony is that we only actually believe the reasons we want to, the reasons that suit for us.

But what I have personally experienced most of the time in life a little different than what is stated above, every time I thought I had an answer to my question either a new question was raised or by that time the question itself changed.Many a times fate plays tricks with changing time we may or may not continue to search for a few answers desperately . But with the due course of time nature never fails to tell us why a few things happened or why some did not , but till then the only option we have is to wait and it does not always take eternity ;)

The question that came up in my mind today was the fact that is that why do we always question, and the first answer my mind gave me was the fact that we have a lot of expectations we rather have our versions of event in mind already and when most of these superficial versions collide with actual facts discontent is arisen. And this is then followed by an array of what,why,if,when,where and so on. So what is more important the question , its answer or the reason behind the question..??

Love Yourself :*

Sometimes in our day to day lives we get so used to doing the same things everyday and that's when we fail to realise that they are not habit's , they start becoming a part of our life. But sometimes what happens at our end is not the story on the other end always. The one big mistake that we make in life is making definitions of how things should be like, how people should be like because in the end perception differs from person to person. Taking a simple example if I can see a glass half-full, you might end up seeing the same glass as half empty , so when we make clear definitions about the things we had, the things we have or things we want its not possible for someone else to understand it exactly the way we wanted them to. Sometimes we don't use the correct words, the correct tone, the correct time and sometimes we don't take the pains at all to explain what's going around in our mind. I am definitely not someone easily vulnerable but once I am into something or someone I am my 100%. I might not be the most blessed soul around but I was always happy with what ever came to me, though this never meant I din't desire for more but I tried to preserve anything or everything that I had with me till the end. The new-comings for me never lead to old-endings. But I made mistakes like everyone else but mine were big, mistakes of being impatient , illogical and silly. Using all the wrong words at the wrong times, for instance I had forgotten who I was, because I started seeing myself as a mistake, I put myself into a situation where everything I did in the past appeared as a mistake to me. But I guess on diwali I realised that I was acting stupid because I had started to view myself from someone's perception, I had forgotten why I did all those things that were stated as my mistakes . I simply forgot all those things that are now mistakes is what I am for real. The purpose behind all of those was effortless and natural I did that because I felt like doing them.

So this is what happens to many of us. When things don't work our way, or we fail to accept changes we start blaming ourselves for everything that happens around but that's not the case, it's that time when you need to give yourself a reality check of who you are. And once guilt-free its easier to understand things, be patient, and wait for the right things to happen, once we stop playing the blame game with our selves we automatically start enjoying the little nuances of life. We have to understand the nothing on earth is steady, everything is variable and if we try to hold an ice cube in our hand all d time , it will soon melt , so its better to leave it in d refrigerator :P bad example I know but nothing else just came to mind.

If you want something that is wrong according to others its okay, others don't always like what we do and not to forget even we don't like everything they do. But maturity is in looking beyond the imperfections in thing's and people, its about accepting everything the way it is, its about taking one thing at a time, its about enjoying whatever comes to us without stopping to try and get what we want. Because in the end its your life ...LIVE FREE ... Treat ur soul, gift ur spirts and love the person you are . No one loves you better than u..And in the end it is going to be a happpy story .(if its nt what it ment to be, its not the ending) ....XOXOX....:D

in d middle of d nyt..i find facts abt ME..!!

I was all sleepy chatting with a friend but something that happened there just dint let me sleep. I got up pulled a pillow and held it tight. And then pictures started to flash across my eyes , not only one particular time. Images and voices from different incidents related to different phases of life and different people started to play in one go. And sometimes I realise that in order to make everything look fine and everybody feel good I ignored the most important person of my life MYSELF. Its that one odd moment when someone points out something small and you realise what we have been doing for all this time. For a second i felt so silly of myself that shit, i never realised why i was doing all this for so long. Okay so coming back to where we this started from i suddenly realised that i have priority problems, but yes i never made issues out of them and never threw tantrums on anyone.

The bottom line of the conversation was about how i felt when someone on my high priority list just din't treat me the way they should have, or that one moment when i feel i don't exist, or that feeling of being at the wrong place. If someone would do something like this on chat, on calls or any passive medium of communication i would blast-out, discuss, blame, clarify even if nothing was to changed i did everybit of it. But if something similar happens when i am there with that person face-2-face there is this sudden urge to leave the place I react differently. Instead of saying how badly i wanted them to be with me i would silently leave with poise and grace. This is not something that happened once or twice but it has happened a lot of times but i never thought of why i reacted differently, because the feeling was the same. It was the "YOU DONT MIND I DONT MATTER " feeling . That's how i frame that feeling :P

And then opens the new layer. I realised that there was not one particular reason there were many reasons for the same. Firstly no matter how weak i was from inside , i never wanted the others to pity me or dint want them to show that fake concern at that time because i believe if they cared it would not have happened in the first place. Secondly i never wanted them to leave their good times beside for staying by me, it was a treat to watch that too. Because if i react in such a situation i kill it for everyone which is the last thing on my list. Thirdly I though that if my presence did not matter even my absence wont but in the long run somewhere down the line they realised and that realisation was the last gift i would give them. Lastly its because i never want to ruin things, relations are special things for me and i will not mind holding that forever, pulling it , pushing it fighting for it but only until some on on the other end is holding it.

So its strange but sometimes people who have nothing to do with us, silly incidents that are not so remarkable lead us to some realisations about ourselves :)

that someone ..!!

When we come to this world we are all alone and when we will leave this world again we will be all alone, but in this journey LIFE that's the time between birth to death we are surrounded by people ,different people at different times, each one is send to us with a purpose . All of them don't treat us in the same way but each one has a well defined part to play. Some people come to us with a bang , some silently play their part, some want us, we want some , some come in slow, some very fast,some come with a lesson,some give us memories, some try to do things to keep us , we try our best to keep some. But in the end we all have to accept the fact that everything is planned by the director of the movie of our life GOD.

So far in the journey of life I have meet many people. I always kept my options open, because we never know someday we might end up with a perfect choice. I have been lucky in life as far is people are concerned a bunch of mad friends and super cool family is all that made life better to live. But this age in life is really crazy being a 22 yr single independent girl I was happy about how things were but yes there was something missing. Even with so many people around me I felt a void, there were times I felt weak , but somewhere down the line I got used to that feeling too . I had my own ways of entertaining my self , holding myself, wiping my tears , overcoming my fears, of cheating my soul , of convincing my mind ,confusing my thoughts. I was scared to be dependent completely on someone as in different phases of life people came I always tried living upto every bodies expectation and I loved doing that only for that smile they had but sometimes when it came to me I felt it dint matter. It was my mistake because at times even I forgot about what I wanted.

And one fine day after a long chat with my friends I was laying on bed and wondering okay lets me think what do I want of my man ..my someone...nd I ended up writing this that night as a note in my cellphone.

(p.s. This is a super filmy description)

I wish there was that one person who existed only for me,
To hold me when i wanted to run away,
To tell me I was doing good ,
To see those tears that never came out,
To hold me when I am shaken,
To stand by me even when there is no one else,
To give me a tight hug and tell me that he's there,
To predict the unsent messages,
To care about my presence,
To listen to all d crap I have to say,
To scold me when I am wrong,
To love me even when I hate myself,
To look at me even in a room full of people,
To walk beside me, not ahead or behind me,
To make me feel so secure that all my insecurities kill themselves,
That one guy in whose arms my world would end.

I don't know if any of these will be fulfilled because its all fiction a play of words and I dont have so many demands for real ..

But all I actually want is a lap to sleep and a hand to hold ..

the rains and that ride :)

Not every morning is as beautiful as this one. How many times do we get up with the music created by rain drops ? For some reason I love that peculiar sound that comes out when the droplets from the dark black clouds reaches the earth and in the middle of their journey hits various objects like the rooftops cars water puddles and everything that comes to your mind when you read this. So yes the start of my day was perfect getting up before time without hating the fact that it was Monday and needless to say with a big smile :)

And then something more beautiful than this just happened ,unplanned and unexpected. I just got ready and was about to leave for the day when I got a call ,"Be ready, I am coming to pick you up" this was all he had to say. I put down the phone reached to the mirror checked if my hair was looking good if my dress was perfect, everything else just din't exist for me then.And one more message and yes there i was on the threshold of a beautiful time of my day.

Yes he was standing right there at the gate on his bike and his half wet hair. A few steps towards the gate and yes I was there , placed myself behind him and the minute I signalled I was comfortable and okay we go zooommm...!!

The start the first jerk as we started I got pushed towards him and that gentle touch he was sorry and I assured it was okay.And then it was a smooth ride because then I did hold him tight i clutched his arms with my fingers so tight. As we moved towards the outskirts of the city to reach the highway the rains increased and people around decreased, most of them in cars and others covered with rain coats, some taking shelter under trees and very few like us who went there to shower in the rains but that feeling was out of the world I just dint care about what everyone around me was doing until I had that one man with me. *blush**blush*

And yes the rain paced and so did we, each bump that we jumped, every brake that he applied , those sharp turns and all the what not's were so good and I felt so much in love with that same man all over again. Each time I could see him look in the mirror and check if I was okay . And the way back home the rains suppressed but I was shivering , the wind so fast and those goose bums he stopped mid way near a coffee shop a small one that was running under a plastic roof , a cup of hot coffee in one hand and his hand rubbing mine on the other I had no complains to get drenched. And then we peacefully reached home hugging him from the back my way back home . This was one beautiful rainy afternoon that I have ever had :) :) 

thoughts in the testing times ..!!

I don't know what it exactly was , I don't know what the feeling was like , all I know is yes I am scared , yes I was low and for reasons that even I did not know. When I washed face and looked up in the mirror yes I saw a tear my eyes were red and I saw no hopes only despair. Actually nothing happened but yet i felt your void. For the first time ever I got a thought that today if I had my someone, my special someone, that special one how would things be like. When the world would b asleep he will have all the time on this earth to talk to me, make me feel better, rather help me be myself. Help me pick up all the broken pieces and bring them back to shape. How he would know I am not okay even when i said was fine. Strange I am expecting so much from someone whom I dont even know.

From outside i may apper to be happy go lucky and a fun loving girl but ,Don't know there are times when I am broken ,I am weak from d soul though i never let anyone know. Sometimes i feel my thoughts are not worth the drama it takes in dealing with them , sometimes i wonder what differnce will my thoughts make to them as they might b busy, they all have problems of their own. 

And sometimes I feel I am a fool, because i fool myself make my poor brain believe what my heart screams but then that's okay..!! That's how its supposed to be. Life is not a platter that is served according to our needs. Its a buffet full of choices we have to make our own choice that what do we want to eat :P (foodiee fooodie thought :P) 

And the worst thing that I do in such times is that I think. But then that's how it is..!! 

drops of the rain

Like any other day today also, i left home complaining to mom how hot it is outside. Slammed the door of my lift went down started my activa and i was driving to my destination . And suddenly in the middle of everything the random thoughts the traffic that i hated the heat i felt something on my face. Drops of water had just kissed my cheeks and i tell you the feeling was awesome ..:D

As the first drops touched me there was chill that went through my veins, it was a different feeling altogether.For a second my eye lids fell down my eyes closed and i wanted time to stop and then one after d other drops started falling and yes finally it rained.

I wished that very moment that i would get down from my vehicle search for a piece of paper and make paper boats and then sit at one corner of the road and let the boats flow. I wanted to go jump in that puddle of water , rather dirty water which was taking birth on both the sides of the road. I did not care about how messy my hair would look , or how bad would i look with clothes drenched in water.I wanted to call all the friends and dance in the rains.

Just a few drops lead to a traffic jam of a what to do thoughts in mind but then yes finally i continued to drive to my destination getting wet in d rains singing songs for myself. But i m glad finally it rained :) 

WELCOME RAINS ...i love u