Love Yourself :*

Sometimes in our day to day lives we get so used to doing the same things everyday and that's when we fail to realise that they are not habit's , they start becoming a part of our life. But sometimes what happens at our end is not the story on the other end always. The one big mistake that we make in life is making definitions of how things should be like, how people should be like because in the end perception differs from person to person. Taking a simple example if I can see a glass half-full, you might end up seeing the same glass as half empty , so when we make clear definitions about the things we had, the things we have or things we want its not possible for someone else to understand it exactly the way we wanted them to. Sometimes we don't use the correct words, the correct tone, the correct time and sometimes we don't take the pains at all to explain what's going around in our mind. I am definitely not someone easily vulnerable but once I am into something or someone I am my 100%. I might not be the most blessed soul around but I was always happy with what ever came to me, though this never meant I din't desire for more but I tried to preserve anything or everything that I had with me till the end. The new-comings for me never lead to old-endings. But I made mistakes like everyone else but mine were big, mistakes of being impatient , illogical and silly. Using all the wrong words at the wrong times, for instance I had forgotten who I was, because I started seeing myself as a mistake, I put myself into a situation where everything I did in the past appeared as a mistake to me. But I guess on diwali I realised that I was acting stupid because I had started to view myself from someone's perception, I had forgotten why I did all those things that were stated as my mistakes . I simply forgot all those things that are now mistakes is what I am for real. The purpose behind all of those was effortless and natural I did that because I felt like doing them.

So this is what happens to many of us. When things don't work our way, or we fail to accept changes we start blaming ourselves for everything that happens around but that's not the case, it's that time when you need to give yourself a reality check of who you are. And once guilt-free its easier to understand things, be patient, and wait for the right things to happen, once we stop playing the blame game with our selves we automatically start enjoying the little nuances of life. We have to understand the nothing on earth is steady, everything is variable and if we try to hold an ice cube in our hand all d time , it will soon melt , so its better to leave it in d refrigerator :P bad example I know but nothing else just came to mind.

If you want something that is wrong according to others its okay, others don't always like what we do and not to forget even we don't like everything they do. But maturity is in looking beyond the imperfections in thing's and people, its about accepting everything the way it is, its about taking one thing at a time, its about enjoying whatever comes to us without stopping to try and get what we want. Because in the end its your life ...LIVE FREE ... Treat ur soul, gift ur spirts and love the person you are . No one loves you better than u..And in the end it is going to be a happpy story .(if its nt what it ment to be, its not the ending) ....XOXOX....:D

in d middle of d nyt..i find facts abt ME..!!

I was all sleepy chatting with a friend but something that happened there just dint let me sleep. I got up pulled a pillow and held it tight. And then pictures started to flash across my eyes , not only one particular time. Images and voices from different incidents related to different phases of life and different people started to play in one go. And sometimes I realise that in order to make everything look fine and everybody feel good I ignored the most important person of my life MYSELF. Its that one odd moment when someone points out something small and you realise what we have been doing for all this time. For a second i felt so silly of myself that shit, i never realised why i was doing all this for so long. Okay so coming back to where we this started from i suddenly realised that i have priority problems, but yes i never made issues out of them and never threw tantrums on anyone.

The bottom line of the conversation was about how i felt when someone on my high priority list just din't treat me the way they should have, or that one moment when i feel i don't exist, or that feeling of being at the wrong place. If someone would do something like this on chat, on calls or any passive medium of communication i would blast-out, discuss, blame, clarify even if nothing was to changed i did everybit of it. But if something similar happens when i am there with that person face-2-face there is this sudden urge to leave the place I react differently. Instead of saying how badly i wanted them to be with me i would silently leave with poise and grace. This is not something that happened once or twice but it has happened a lot of times but i never thought of why i reacted differently, because the feeling was the same. It was the "YOU DONT MIND I DONT MATTER " feeling . That's how i frame that feeling :P

And then opens the new layer. I realised that there was not one particular reason there were many reasons for the same. Firstly no matter how weak i was from inside , i never wanted the others to pity me or dint want them to show that fake concern at that time because i believe if they cared it would not have happened in the first place. Secondly i never wanted them to leave their good times beside for staying by me, it was a treat to watch that too. Because if i react in such a situation i kill it for everyone which is the last thing on my list. Thirdly I though that if my presence did not matter even my absence wont but in the long run somewhere down the line they realised and that realisation was the last gift i would give them. Lastly its because i never want to ruin things, relations are special things for me and i will not mind holding that forever, pulling it , pushing it fighting for it but only until some on on the other end is holding it.

So its strange but sometimes people who have nothing to do with us, silly incidents that are not so remarkable lead us to some realisations about ourselves :)

that someone ..!!

When we come to this world we are all alone and when we will leave this world again we will be all alone, but in this journey LIFE that's the time between birth to death we are surrounded by people ,different people at different times, each one is send to us with a purpose . All of them don't treat us in the same way but each one has a well defined part to play. Some people come to us with a bang , some silently play their part, some want us, we want some , some come in slow, some very fast,some come with a lesson,some give us memories, some try to do things to keep us , we try our best to keep some. But in the end we all have to accept the fact that everything is planned by the director of the movie of our life GOD.

So far in the journey of life I have meet many people. I always kept my options open, because we never know someday we might end up with a perfect choice. I have been lucky in life as far is people are concerned a bunch of mad friends and super cool family is all that made life better to live. But this age in life is really crazy being a 22 yr single independent girl I was happy about how things were but yes there was something missing. Even with so many people around me I felt a void, there were times I felt weak , but somewhere down the line I got used to that feeling too . I had my own ways of entertaining my self , holding myself, wiping my tears , overcoming my fears, of cheating my soul , of convincing my mind ,confusing my thoughts. I was scared to be dependent completely on someone as in different phases of life people came I always tried living upto every bodies expectation and I loved doing that only for that smile they had but sometimes when it came to me I felt it dint matter. It was my mistake because at times even I forgot about what I wanted.

And one fine day after a long chat with my friends I was laying on bed and wondering okay lets me think what do I want of my man ..my someone...nd I ended up writing this that night as a note in my cellphone.

(p.s. This is a super filmy description)

I wish there was that one person who existed only for me,
To hold me when i wanted to run away,
To tell me I was doing good ,
To see those tears that never came out,
To hold me when I am shaken,
To stand by me even when there is no one else,
To give me a tight hug and tell me that he's there,
To predict the unsent messages,
To care about my presence,
To listen to all d crap I have to say,
To scold me when I am wrong,
To love me even when I hate myself,
To look at me even in a room full of people,
To walk beside me, not ahead or behind me,
To make me feel so secure that all my insecurities kill themselves,
That one guy in whose arms my world would end.

I don't know if any of these will be fulfilled because its all fiction a play of words and I dont have so many demands for real ..

But all I actually want is a lap to sleep and a hand to hold ..

the rains and that ride :)

Not every morning is as beautiful as this one. How many times do we get up with the music created by rain drops ? For some reason I love that peculiar sound that comes out when the droplets from the dark black clouds reaches the earth and in the middle of their journey hits various objects like the rooftops cars water puddles and everything that comes to your mind when you read this. So yes the start of my day was perfect getting up before time without hating the fact that it was Monday and needless to say with a big smile :)

And then something more beautiful than this just happened ,unplanned and unexpected. I just got ready and was about to leave for the day when I got a call ,"Be ready, I am coming to pick you up" this was all he had to say. I put down the phone reached to the mirror checked if my hair was looking good if my dress was perfect, everything else just din't exist for me then.And one more message and yes there i was on the threshold of a beautiful time of my day.

Yes he was standing right there at the gate on his bike and his half wet hair. A few steps towards the gate and yes I was there , placed myself behind him and the minute I signalled I was comfortable and okay we go zooommm...!!

The start the first jerk as we started I got pushed towards him and that gentle touch he was sorry and I assured it was okay.And then it was a smooth ride because then I did hold him tight i clutched his arms with my fingers so tight. As we moved towards the outskirts of the city to reach the highway the rains increased and people around decreased, most of them in cars and others covered with rain coats, some taking shelter under trees and very few like us who went there to shower in the rains but that feeling was out of the world I just dint care about what everyone around me was doing until I had that one man with me. *blush**blush*

And yes the rain paced and so did we, each bump that we jumped, every brake that he applied , those sharp turns and all the what not's were so good and I felt so much in love with that same man all over again. Each time I could see him look in the mirror and check if I was okay . And the way back home the rains suppressed but I was shivering , the wind so fast and those goose bums he stopped mid way near a coffee shop a small one that was running under a plastic roof , a cup of hot coffee in one hand and his hand rubbing mine on the other I had no complains to get drenched. And then we peacefully reached home hugging him from the back my way back home . This was one beautiful rainy afternoon that I have ever had :) :) 

thoughts in the testing times ..!!

I don't know what it exactly was , I don't know what the feeling was like , all I know is yes I am scared , yes I was low and for reasons that even I did not know. When I washed face and looked up in the mirror yes I saw a tear my eyes were red and I saw no hopes only despair. Actually nothing happened but yet i felt your void. For the first time ever I got a thought that today if I had my someone, my special someone, that special one how would things be like. When the world would b asleep he will have all the time on this earth to talk to me, make me feel better, rather help me be myself. Help me pick up all the broken pieces and bring them back to shape. How he would know I am not okay even when i said was fine. Strange I am expecting so much from someone whom I dont even know.

From outside i may apper to be happy go lucky and a fun loving girl but ,Don't know there are times when I am broken ,I am weak from d soul though i never let anyone know. Sometimes i feel my thoughts are not worth the drama it takes in dealing with them , sometimes i wonder what differnce will my thoughts make to them as they might b busy, they all have problems of their own. 

And sometimes I feel I am a fool, because i fool myself make my poor brain believe what my heart screams but then that's okay..!! That's how its supposed to be. Life is not a platter that is served according to our needs. Its a buffet full of choices we have to make our own choice that what do we want to eat :P (foodiee fooodie thought :P) 

And the worst thing that I do in such times is that I think. But then that's how it is..!! 

drops of the rain

Like any other day today also, i left home complaining to mom how hot it is outside. Slammed the door of my lift went down started my activa and i was driving to my destination . And suddenly in the middle of everything the random thoughts the traffic that i hated the heat i felt something on my face. Drops of water had just kissed my cheeks and i tell you the feeling was awesome ..:D

As the first drops touched me there was chill that went through my veins, it was a different feeling altogether.For a second my eye lids fell down my eyes closed and i wanted time to stop and then one after d other drops started falling and yes finally it rained.

I wished that very moment that i would get down from my vehicle search for a piece of paper and make paper boats and then sit at one corner of the road and let the boats flow. I wanted to go jump in that puddle of water , rather dirty water which was taking birth on both the sides of the road. I did not care about how messy my hair would look , or how bad would i look with clothes drenched in water.I wanted to call all the friends and dance in the rains.

Just a few drops lead to a traffic jam of a what to do thoughts in mind but then yes finally i continued to drive to my destination getting wet in d rains singing songs for myself. But i m glad finally it rained :) 

WELCOME RAINS ...i love u 

is SORRY always enough ??

Sometimes i sit and wonder rather try to remember when did i learn to say this word "SORRY". I assume it was taught to me in school when i was a toddler and teachers would teach us that we must always use words like "sorry" and "thank you". If we ask any one the meaning of the word sorry then the immediate definition that we will get is that one word that we use in order to apologise after we make mistakes.But do you actually think that everything is the same after we say the word "sorry".

Imagine one word "sorry" is used by people even when they casually over step on someone's feet or drop water on someone and also when people break hearts, crush someone's dreams or hurt some , it sounds exactly like using a same "band aid" for a cut that we get by cutting vegetables and also for covering d wound of a gun shot :P :P i mean silly people are who just think that things become all right after they say sorry always..

Its high time we realise its just a word that we use to apologise for our mistakes, it not an UNDO button or a reset option that will just get things back to normal. Things get normal with time, with efforts, with truth and with love .But with the passing time this little word has lost its essence people just say it even when they don't mean it most of the times.

But yes still there are people who mean the sorry too..!!
But my question here is that will those 5 characters change what happened ??
Is it enough to forget what has happened ??
Is it enough to get over what is gone??

this article is definitely not complete its because I am still in two minds.I am questioning my mind
I still have a question ..."IS SORRY ALWAYS ENOUGH....????"

expectations ... !!!

I am sure this one word written above triggers your brain for once.Its because we all are humans we have expectations from ourselves, from things, from people..!!We say or we don't say but yes there are expectations.Some are fulfilled and some are not, some inspire us to take the next step forward and some which don't work out break us down sometimes..

Today when i was going though the updates on facebook I came across one such update which was "Never expect from anyone they will always let you down someday" and for a second i said to myself yes true indeed , its because our expectations don't end in fact our expectations go on increasing day by day the more the time passes the more we expect one after the other they keep on incrementing in a never ending loop as our mind is a real greedy animal.And then yes i was wondering about what i expect from people around me and what people expect me to do and so on ...!! This one thought took me to all d people who let me down or whom i had let down. 

And when all this was going on in my mind i come across another statement "I am proud of myself that i was worthy your expectations..!!" And another chill went through my veins and I went back , trying to recall all the thoughts that came to my mind when I had read that we should not expect and that's when i suddenly realised that we normally expect from people whom we think will complete our expectations ,for an eg my expectation from my best friend and a class mate will never be the same because I know that both fall in different categories. But at times what we all fail to understand is what the other person expects from us and thus some times even expression of expectation is very necessary as there is a possibility that the other person may never know what you wanted out of them.

We say we don't say we all expect , even if we consider the most basic relation on earth a child and his parents.A child will expect the best of everything from his parents be it games, school bag, pocket money, toys, laptops, mobiles etc. etc. etc....And in return even parents expect children to be well behaved, get good results, respect them etc. .

So after much a do .. i seriously think expecting is not a crime 

(ps. expecting from wrong entities is one :P)

ur words made my day ...:) :)

When I started writing this blog I thought I was putting up in black n white whatever I thought about life. I never had thought someday someone will come up to me and tell me that "Thank you for bringing back BOOKS into my life". I am honoured an excited with the though that yes my words could touch someone's heart. I had goosebumps and jumped with joy when I actually read my first fan message , it was a sudden rush that went through my body, I suddenly felt so good abut myself and its then when I realised "SOME WORDS CAN MAKE UR DAY :)"

Like a little kid who loves to read the "Very Good" by his teacher over and over again I don't remember how many times I read the same bunch of words with the same attention and concentration. (If i would have studied my books with the same concentration trust me I would have crammed the entire book so far and would get full marks in my exam which is not the case :P) And here I realised how sometimes just a few good words can bring a smile to someone's face, and how important it is to express your feeling or opinion to the other person and yes the pen is has more power than a sword.

I don't say that every word makes your day because there are times the same word from same people presented in a twisted form or another way break you .!! But at the end of it they make a better U ..:)

This actually is not an article I know , its a dedication to my most dedicated follower who in this word of today where people are running, took out their valuable time for me and tried to view life my way.
Thank You so much ...!!!
Lots of love :)

and sometimes its good to FIGHT

I know I might sound retard in the first place , you must be wondering has this writer gone crazy and wondering ….”HOW CAN IT BE GOOD TO FIGHT..???”

Normally whenever there is a fight we always think about all the bad things that happened, how someone hurt us with their words or how someone dint even speak up or how ego, attitude and thoughts clashed. And how it just becomes an end to d current relation or the beginning of a new cold war, but then if the other person does not come up and clarifies, and even we don’t feeling up and say like going sorry or clearing up matters. It’s the most perfect signal for us to realize the fact that either its over or it was an illusion.

But what I m talking about today is a completely opposite scenario of what I just mentioned above. We all know no two people on earth think alike, there is a possibility that we might have differences and even fights take place. For the time being anger frustration, ego, attitude and a combination of all just gets into our heads and we fight but after sometimes end up feeling disgusted about the same. And then we realize that no the person or the relation was much more important than the reason for the fight and we try to calm things down.

Trust me the same person who fights with you for sometimes and then after the whole fight is over comes up to you when you are sitting in despair and you see attempts being made to make things normal as they were. An inbox full of flowery messages, those calls to say sorry, that slightest attempt is always loved. And then the feeling of being special takes over everything in your mind and we end up feeling good about ourselves.

When the same person comes up to you and says they are sorry and what u mean to him/her the only thing that you will wish to do is let this thing go on in repeat mode. If fights end up with so much love then it’s seriously “good to fight sometimes.”

At least we come to know that who is ready to take up pains enough and get us back or who is so special for us that we put back out ego and go get them back. Because now I have understood that, “Things break for Better things to take place”.

And yes it’s not like this always, but yes I was talking about those some exceptional cases in life ..!!

on the THRESHOLD..!!

Life always plays this game with me, the minute I feel that yes it's finally ending I find myself on the threshold of something new again. And now I know that's how it is. Things always end for better things to start.

One after the other events follow each other like day follows night and death follows life. We don't implicitly start anything but yes things start and we stand on new beginning each day.

Many a times we are disheartened in life as we think that things ended, because there are some things, sometimes, some people we never want to let go of. But at the same time there are things we want to bring an end to, things which we want to get away from us, but most of which is destiny. Things only happen when they are destined to happen  :)

But in this Roller-Coaster journey called life I am very happy to have seen the beginnings. Being a typical girl in my mind I always over reacted to all d events that took place, for a spell of time I would just say to myself that my world has ended but with a hand crafted destiny from the almighty I found new things coming in an filling the void. There were times when I would question myself -What will I do once this was going to over? What will I do if this person left me? What will I do in after this? But the truth and the most funny part is that by the time it got over I was already into something new :P

By the time when we all grow up and start understanding the nuances of our life  we all on the threshold of teen age and it does come with hand-full of dreams. Once it ends we enter the most imp years , where we are adults and have new feeling that sense of being independent and responsible just comes to us .And in the same pattern the different stages of life just follow. From infants-toddlers-kids-teenagers-this chain just goes on till old age.

But what most of us fail to do in life is live the beginnings and feel the newness of the incoming things in life. Let them in with open hands and enjoy the feeling of how it is before it becomes a normal routine. And i promise if you will live the beginnings you will definitely enjoy till the ending. Not every beginning starts the way you want it to , but then it still a threshold of something new that is coming and that is one thing we can never change.

But practically -"Every END is a new BEGINNING" 

nothing is CONSTANT

Day by day we feel nothing changes, but when we look back everything is different.Life never failed to surprise me with changes.I always used to feel that all the things that I had in life were perfect.I never imagined life without them.But as time passed I threw some,lost some,grabbed some,nourished some,loved some,hated some but then one thing that never stopped was my life-It moved on.

When i had most of those that I lost or threw I thought survival without them was impossible be it gadgets,toys, friends or family. I always thought it is very necessary for me to hold all of these only until i realised a fact that "hello..!! I lived even when these things were never there in my life , so why cry over them" instead it was easier either to find replacements or to take little pains enough and remember what we did before they came in.

But i don't regret or cry on any of these things that broke, or were lost , as down the line these were the building block of my own self. They helped me grow, they indeed help me realise my inner strength and capabilities.They help me prove to my own self how strong a girl I was.

And luckily for me every change came in with a new beginning, a whole new world to explore to learn to live in.There was enough to keep me busy all the time, as if not busy my mind would travel places it should not have and would take me back to times where i never want to go , everything would flash back in my eyes and when I would open them the only thing left would be tears.Many times in life crying over the lost things and missed opportunities and while rubbing our eyes or wiping tears we fail to see all the new ones that approach us. Its only when we will understand this one statement completely we will be able to live a happier life - "NOTHING IS CONSTANT EXCEPT FOR CHANGES". 

The sooner we accept it the happier we are.

If our age changes every year,

If seasons change every 3 months,

If dates changes everyday,

If day and night change every 12 hours,

If time changes every second 

If people change in a fraction of sec,

Than why do U want to remain the same always... ??

'ME' in a nut shell

As a  kid I was a sweet little girl who was always wanted to grab her hand on everything that I would see. From Barbie dolls to Teddy-bears ,Books to Kitchen set, from Music to Dance I wanted to do everything :P Luckily my parents being supportive I tried my hands on everything I wanted to. If any announcement for any event or completion was in school even as a toddler made my hands would rise up in  fraction of a second, and would try my best each time .Teachers would call me a packet full of confidence.Sometimes i succeeded and sometimes I did not , but there was a lot of learning in all the times a failed too..!! Though that is what i realise at the age of 21..

In my teen years I always wondered how growing up would be like, when in school I always got fascinated by the colleges that I would pass-by on my way to school and we friends would discuss how cool would it be when we would also go to college in those fancy outfits with colourful bags and open hair all decked up to the best of what we can. It was that time when I though everything that I have is always going to be mine.It was that time of life when everything looked new and exciting.With a bunch of crazy retard friends just like me this was literally the time of life I will never forget.Those rides on the bicycles,chit chatting after school,gossip sessions,dance practice,fun in the name of studies and what not :p. I still miss how I would wait at specific time of the day for the Landline of my house to ring and pick each call expecting one of my friends to be at the other end.But yes this phase too flew away ...


And now when i have seen all of this in life i so truly miss all the times when i was innocent,when today's fight would end in the class tomorrow,when the only pain before going to sleep was arranging the books in the school bag according to the timetable,when friendship was forever :)


I feel lucky and blessed to have a bunch full of friends and bag-full of memories. Because I thought time was just passing but the truth was that time  was like a palm full of sand if it was let open the sand would fly and if I tried to hold it to tight it was coming out of my hand.I am no writer neither my life is so interesting but i just love to talk, make new friends, share little things, know little things,I like social networking too.


I love and hate too many things in life each of which will come soon because life is a story and am writing new chapters everyday ..
btw m wondering y did i decide to write this blog ;)